I'm Clothed!

Yay! I have clothes on in these pictures! Woo hoo! Hahahaha! I figured I'd take another belly picture or two.

22w1d

?

Benton Michael Nebel?

Thank you!

So I got more baby stuff from Courtney yesterday. I swear, she's furnished 9/10 of the baby's room. I am so very grateful and blessed to have her in my life. She gave us a Diaper Genie and a high chair. Thank you sooooooo much Courtney!

Names.... Again

My husband is starting to get on my nerves. Remember how I wrote about me picking out names and then him editing the list even more? Well, we went out to eat with Courtney last night and I said, "Can you help us pick a name? We're debating between Grady Michael and Michael Grady." Then Paul chimes in saying "I hate Grady." What the.... ? Really?! That upset me because I was trying my hardest to refer to the baby as Grady (instead of Baby) as much as possible when we're alone. So I said, "What about Callum?" "Callum?! What the hell kind of name is that?!" "You left it on the list!!!!!!" "Well, I don't like it."

If I ask Paul what names he likes, I always get "I don't know." And that's it.

So we're back to square one. Again.

Braxton Hicks Contractions

I think I just had my very first Braxton Hicks contraction. It was like this tightening between my belly button and pubic bone. It was kinda weird.

Nursing Bras

Yay for bras my boobies fit in!

I got paid today so I was finally able to go buy some new bras. I was spilling out of my old ones. I went to the mall and got two of the same kind from Motherhood Maternity (the one in the picture). They're so comfortable! As soon as I got home I changed.

Who knew bras could bring so much joy?!

Using the Computer

It's official. I declare myself to be huge. Why? Well, to begin, I'd first like to say that we have a laptop that we use in the livingroom. With that being said, here's why I am slowly turning into a dump truck: I can't bend over to grab something with the laptop on my lap anymore because when I do, my belly clicks the mouse pad. I bend, random things get clicked on.

That was my amazing dicovery for the day.

Blue Flowery Underwear

I think I am now obsessed with taking belly pictures. I took a couple to send to my sister so I figured I'd put them up here. Again, in my underwear (blue this time!!!!). If I wear pants it just looks like a huge belly roll. So again, enjoy me in all my glory! Haha!

20 weeks 4 days

Surgeon General's Warning

Hahaha! I saw this today on a pregnancy website I normally visit. Too funny not to share!

Warning: Surgeon's General Warning has declared that unprotected sex is hazardous to mens health. Side effects include, but are not limited to: pregnancy, children, hormonal spouses, taking care of vomit, food runs in the wee hours, constant bitchiness, loss of income, loss of sleep, not doing anything right - why can't you do anything right, doing everything right - you are an awesome man, finding out much more than you want to know about women's anatomy (which can lead to more vomiting), eating the same meal all the time, eating at odd hours of the day, shaving legs (not yours), hearing stories from other people who have children, not caring about stories from other people, having parents and adults give you advice, and discarding that advice. Pregnancy has been known to lead to home renovations, car replacements, removal of dangerous objects (porn, shot glasses, video game equipment), and much, much more. The Surgeon General suggests if you have any of these symptoms, don't panic. Instead, spend the next 9 months relishing what you used to be able to do before kids.

He Was Hiding

Well, I just got home from labor and delivery. I went in because I hadn't felt Baby move at all today (and of course he's moving now). During the past couple weeks, I've been able to feel him move really good. The past couple days I feel movement now and then, but none of the kicks he normally gives me. And today I felt nothing.

So I called Dr. Allerkamp's office. The lady on the phone said to just go to labor and delivery. So I did.

The nurse found his heartbeat right away. He's tucked way down in there.

She explained to me that my uterus has probably recently grown. So before, Baby was snugly inside my uterus. And now he's got some catching up to do. My sensations have been "numbed" so I probably can't feel him as much.

It was relieving to know that Baby's doing okay. The nurse said to eat some protien (aka PEANUT BUTTER! haha!) and lay down for a little bit in a quiet place. I should then be able to feel him move.

So that's my story for the day.

Pants

I officially broke down today. I couldn't do it anymore. It was changing my life, my personality, and my day-to-day experiences.

Pants. I bought new pants. MATERNITY PANTS!

I only tried one pair on and bought them. I had a handful of pants and didn't even bother trying the rest on. I got a pair of capris and holy shit, they're comfortable. I CAN BREATHE!

I bought them at Storkdaddy's here in Killeen. It's a little baby consignment shop. All their maternity pants were priced under $10. So guess where I'm going when I need more clothes.

I also looked around and they have cheap and cute baby outfits. And crib bedding. And bouncers. And all sorts of stuff. Really well priced. I think I found my new favorite store! Haha!

Oh.... So the name debate is still on. I told Paul the baby WILL be named Grady (I've secretly been calling him that when I talk to him). Paul says Michael. I have no problem with Grady Michael. But he wants Michael Grady. Grrrrrrr! We'll see who wins. So no name set in stone yet.

Halfway There!

Today is the start of week 20. I am officially halfway through my pregnancy. Woo hoo! We can't wait to meet you Baby!

He Felt It

Ever since I've been feeling Baby kick, I've been wanting Paul to feel it, too. We've layed together with his hand on my belly and he would feel nothing. Baby would be kicking and I'd tell him to put his hand on my belly and he would feel nothing. I was starting to get a little disappointed. Paul would always joke, "He knows better than to kick his daddy." Yeah. Okay. :-D

Well, we were laying in bed last night and the baby gave me a couple thumps real close together. I touched my belly and he gave me another good one. I told Paul, "Hurry! Put your hand on my belly!" We waited a few seconds. Then Baby kicked. A good one, too.

He got to feel it! I almost started crying. Paul doesn't show emotion too well but I know he enjoyed it.

Name Change!

Sooooooooo.............................................. We're contemplating changing the baby's name. Everyone I've spoken to thinks Bradley's a little, well, "blah". Which is fine. I'm okay with that. I was feeling awkward about saying Bradley anyways. I couldn't get it to come out of my mouth comfortably.

So I spent a few hours today going over baby names. I picked all of the ones I liked. Then Paul went back through them and took out the ones he didn't like. We had six names: Micah, Michael, Callum, Leland, Grady, and Bradley. I took each of the names and paired them up to come up with as many name combinations as possible. Then we practiced saying the names to find out which ones were weird to say or kind of ran together. We finally got them all narrowed down to three options.

Callum Grady Nebel

Grady Callum Nebel

Micah Grady Nebel

We're going to take our time and practice saying the names and calling the baby by each one. Who knows? We may end up deciding on D-Day!

It's a boy! Again!

I had my high risk appointment today in Temple. Of course, it was an ultrasound to check out Bradley and how he's developing. I know one thing for sure, he's an active little turd! He kept moving and flipping and kicking. It was so fun getting to watch him do acrobatics in my tummy.

The doctor checked out his heart, head, belly, legs, arms, feet, hands, the whole nine yards. HE'S PERFECT!

And we also got confirmation that "he" is still a "he"!! Woo hoo!!!!

Moving

I had to go to an FRG meeting last night. And it was the best meeting I've ever been to. Why? Because the baby was kicking about every 5-10 minutes. That was the first time I've ever felt him move that much. Granted, it may have had a little to do with the Sonic Blast I had eaten when I arrived. But still. I was in la-la-land the whole time. ♥

High Risk

I was at Workforce filling out an application about an hour ago when my phone started vibrating. Annoyed, I looked at it, didn't recognise the number, and turned it off so I could focus on the task at hand.

They left me a voicemail.

I finish what I was doing and before I leave the parking lot, I listen to the voicemail.

"This is So-and-so at your doctor's office calling to remind you of your appointment September 3rd. If you have any questions, call us back."

What? I don't have an appointment September 3rd. I have my big ultrasound October 6th. They must have messed up.

So I call them back.

It's my high risk appointment.

Do you know how it feels to be told you have to see a high risk doctor? I went to HEB and damn near cried through the whole store. I am truly and honest to God scared. I don't want anything to be wrong with my beautiful baby. And I feel even worse because it would be all my fault it something were to be wrong.

So Friday is my appointment. I'm nervous. I want to go but then again I don't.

I just want my beautiful baby boy.

First Belly Pic!

I finally decided to put up a belly picture. I'm starting to round out instead of looking fat. Yay! I took this just a few minutes ago after getting out of the shower. Don't mind my purple undies. Haha!

18w1d

And yes, that is a beach towel hanging on the door. I have proudly graduated today to beach towels.

Belly

You still can't tell (or at least I don't think you can) I'm pregnant. Mom says my belly already looks like a bump. I still think it looks fat. It's starting to round out a little at the bottom.

I was laying down just a little bit ago, waking up from a nap. I laid on my back with my hands on my belly. He's definitely growing big! But for once, I actually looked down at my belly while I was laying down. Instead of my belly button being the "horizon", I have more belly poking up. Does that make sense?

I thought it was really neat. And it's firm. My baby. Awwww! Haha! I'm a nutcase.

I love my baby more and more every day. ♥

Okay, we're telling!

I begged him to tell. He said yes. So I'm telling.


It's a BOY!

But like I said, the doctor was only about 80% sure. But that sure looks like a penis to me!

First Appointment

Where do I start?! I'm such a happy person right now that I don't know what to do with myself!

I had my first appointment today (17w2d) with Dr. Allerkamp. He's awesome. So far I am 100% satisfied with Scott and White doctors. They're just plain awesome.

Dr. Allerkamp estimated my due date to be January 30 or 31st. For my sanity, we'll just keep saying it's the 30th.

I was asked the normal questions of "Do you want to test for down syndrome?" and a couple other ones. I asked "If the results come back positive, is there any way you can fix the disorder?" They said no. So I said no to testing. Why am I going to put myself and my husband through that kind of stress the entire pregnancy? I won't terminate my pregnancy if the baby does have something. I'm going to love my baby the way he/she comes out, no matter what.

He gave me an ultrasound today. Woo hoo! I got to see Baby. It just kept moving and moving around in there. Baby is really active. I couldn't stop smiling. Oh, WE FOUND OUT THE GENDER! Doc is about 80% sure but judging by the picture, I'm 100% sure!

Crotch Shot!

Baby touching his/her face!

Profile

I have to go to the hospital in Temple sometime to get an "official" ultrasound. They were closed by the time my appointment got over so the doctor's office will call me tomorrow with an appointment. The lady said they probably didn't have any openings until October. Eek! Good thing I begged for an ultrasound today. And good thing the doctor was nice enough to give me one!

Oh, and since I am epileptic, Dr. Allerkamp said something about high risk pregnancy. Honestly, I forgot his exact words because I was in baby heaven. But I'll probably update about that later on.

I chose to have the baby at Metroplex. A) It's closer. B) Dr. Allerkamp is on call there more than in Temple so my chances of seeing him are much better.

So yeah, I'm as happy as a hog right now. Yay! Baby!

I'm Done!!!!!!

THIS IS THE LAST TIME I'M CHANGING IT!

Paul's been obsessed with the Winnie the Pooh decor for Baby's room, so Winnie the Pooh it is. I already changed everything in the registry... again. This is finalized and I am NOT changing it again. Men. I swear! They need to learn how to make up their minds. Grrrrr!

So.... officially.... officially, officially, officially.... IT IS WINNIE THE POOH!

Quizzes

I took some quizzes "just because". The first one is labor prediction. The rest are gender prediction. Here's what I got:






http://www.justmommies.com/quizzes/labor-results.php

Get your bags packed early just in case you need them. Make sure your partner has a phone available when he's away because this baby just might come early. We predict your baby will come 2-3 weeks early. Your baby will most likely be born in the morning. Justmommies predicts that your baby will weigh approximately 7.5 pounds and that your labor will be about 12 hours long.



http://www.childbirth.org/cgi-bin/boyorgirl.pl

You have a 71% chance of having a boy.
And you have a 28% chance of having a girl.



http://www.parents.com/pregnancy/signs/quiz/baby-gender-prediction/

Based on your answers, it is too close to tell what gender your baby will be. It could be a girl or a boy!



http://www.babyzone.com/pregnancy/fetal_development/genetics_gender/quiz/having-boy-or-girl?q10=3&quizid=77&QuestionCount=10&CurrentPage=11&ReturnURL=&q1=3&q2=3&q3=2&q4=3&q5=2&q6=1&q7=3&q8=3&q9=1&submit.x=22&submit.y=9

Your Type is: 3

1- It Could Be a Boy!

According to old wives' tales, a number of things indicate that you might be having a boy: carrying high and out front, conceiving at the time of ovulation (and in a position involving deep penetration), eating a potassium-rich diet, having mild morning-only sickness, a fetal heartbeat that's less than 130 beats per minute, and looking more beautiful. As the old saying goes, "Boys give beauty, girls take it away." Learn more pregnancy myths.


2- It Could Be a Girl
According to old wives' tales, a number of things indicate that you might be having a girl: carrying low and wide, conceiving just before the time of ovulation (and in a position involving shallow penetration), eating a magnesium-rich diet, having severe morning sickness (that can last all day long), a fetal heartbeat that's more than 140 beats per minute, and looking less beautiful. We're pretty sure that Angelina Jolie (mom of Shiloh) would disagree with the old saying, "Boys give beauty, girls take it away." Learn more pregnancy myths.


3- Can't Tell
It sounds like it's too early to put these old wives' tales to the test. Try again soon!

A Little Bit of Everything

Oh, boy. Where do I start? It's been a long couple weeks.

Monday, August 9th, Uncle Dale was in a fatal motorcycle accident so that sent my life (and the rest of the family's) into a whirlwind. I had never cried so hard in my life and I never want to cry like that again. The next day the top of my uterus had felt like I did a hundred crunches. It hurt. After resting a whole day in the car (because we drove to Iowa on Tuesday) I felt much better. By the end of the week and after many tears, I decided to go to the emergency room in Nebraska City just to check up on the baby. I wasn't having any symptoms such as cramping or bleeding. I just wasn't eating right, had the poops, and was under a ton of stress. And I know stress is not good for the baby. I got to hear his/her heartbeat. The first nurse couldn't find it. Then a student came in to find it. She found it for a second or so and then lost it. Then the doctor came in and in a completely different spot he found it. Good God the baby had a nice and strong heartbeat. I was laughing and crying at the same time. It was just what I needed. It was almost as if I melted into another world for that small moment. If I remember correctly, the student measured the heartbeat at 138.

Sleeping is much more complex now. I feel as though I have a 20 pound weight belt strapped to my waist. I don't get crushed if I lay on my back yet. But if I turn to the side, I have to have major support. My belly just feels so heavy. And I love waking up in the morning now. My uterus is hard as a rock when I wake up and I can feel all around it. It's so cool!

I felt the baby kick while I was standing up for the very first time the other day. Some say it feels like butterflies. Mine feels like a quick little muscle spazm. I don't feel the baby very often. It's still awfully early.

Paul and I went to Walmart the other day. We happened to go through the baby aisle. He finally realized how much baby stuff costs. Oh, and guess what else! ...He fell in love with the Pooh Bear stroller/swing/etc. Here we go again......

One more thing......... I'm leaning towards thinking "he" is a "she".

My belly

My belly hasn't "popped" yet, but I know it's getting close. I can feel the top of my uterus a couple inches below my belly button. I lay down and my belly's just.. well... there. You can't tell yet from just looking. But I can definitely tell from feeling. Especially at night. When I wake up to pee and go lay in bed again, it just pokes out all hard and stuff. But anywho. Back to "popping". So I can feel it getting larger. One of these days my belly's not going to be able to hold the weight anymore. I can't wait to be round instead of just fat. Haha!

Gender

Like I've said a hundred times before, we're not telling the gender of Baby. And, as I said before, I don't want to find out but Paul does.

But I've been contemplating. I kind of do want to find out. I want to look at and buy baby stuff but I always find stuff that is gender-specific. Like today, we saw the cutest sign to hang on the wall if baby were to be a girl. And I've found cute boy stuff, too.

I can't decide! I want the big surprise on delivery day but holy cow, I want to know so bad right now! Aaah!

I've got some thinking to do....

Movement?

I was laying on the couch at Mom and Dad's last night. And being my normal self, I farted. Shortly after I farted, I felt this "bubbling" on the left side. Was it more gas coming in? Was it the baby fluttering around in there? I honestly think it was the baby. I'm not new to the world of "gas" and this was a bubbling like I've never felt before. I hope it was baby kicking. I can't wait until it happens again. This just reassures that my little one is growing good and being really active.

Room Decor

So I'm going to make the decor for Baby's room. We have finally settled on a western theme. I made and got my very first baby item a couple days ago. I made a fleece blanket, one side cowprint, the other white. I can't wait to make other stuff!

I also received a crib, changing table, and dresser from Courtney. I can't thank her enough.

And as we all know, I can't possibly keep a post on one topic. So here's a little TMI (too much information) for all of you fellow readers: I bought my first box of breast pads yesterday. My damn boob leaks. Not all the time. Just if there's a certain amount of pressure on it (like if I lean against something). I was bra-less yesterday (no I was not in public) after I woke up. I had a tiny wet spot on the front of my shirt. What the.... ? So I decided to buy a box so I don't start ruining clothes.

So.......

So I'm thinking about completely changing the theme of the room again. I know! I know! I need to make up my mind.

But I got to thinking about it, and the baby's not going to be paying attention to what the decor is. I don't need some designer-made crap.

Paul REALLY wants a "cowboy" type theme. So I think I'm going to go to a linen shop and make my own blankets and curtains. And I'll find some stuffed animals to decorate the room with. And maybe paint a cow-print border or something.

I know this is something my husband really, really wants. And he doesn't say much in the way of how things should go. I want to make sure he gets what he wants.

On another note...

I finally got my ob/gyn. Dr. Allercamp (I don't think that's spelled right) from Scott and White. I don't have an appointment until August 24th. I'll be 17 weeks. I can't wait to see my baby again!

Oh, and I've lost 15 pounds. I normally weight 201-215. I never had morning sickness. I eat like I did before. When I do decide to weigh myself, I do it immediately after I take my first pee when I wake up. It's been a week or so since I weighed myself and the scale said 200. I don't even remember the last time I weighed 200 pounds!

Sacrafice

One thing is for sure: babies cost money.

With that being said, Paul and I just made a sacrafice to ensure we save money. Our average DirecTV bill is about $72.00 a month. Our promotion has ended. I threat to cancel and they can give me free dvr service. Oooh! $5.00 a month. Woopeeeee! Not.

Paul got Netflix the other day and has been watching it unlimited on the Xbox. In HD. For only $10.00 a month.

Granted Netflix doesn't have brand new stuff every single day and gazillions of channels to watch, it'll still do the trick for us. We want to make sure we save as much money as we can so we can be parents that are able to provide for their children. We don't want to be greedy. We're now dedicated to someone else. Our baby will get everything he or she ever needs.

Bye bye DirecTV!

Guessing Game

As you all know (or maybe you don't), we will not be telling the sex of the baby. And of course, won't know the weight, length, etc until he or she is born. So I made a game for everyone to guess the stats of the baby. Feel free to enter your best guess now or later (the game will be closed probably a couple weeks before the due date). The winner will receive a prize. Whoever has the least amount of points wins. Good luck!

http://www.expectnet.com/games/BabyNebelStats

Stuff

Call me crazy or call me excited, I don't care, but I got our baby registry done (I think) at Walmart. We have a safari theme with lions, and tigers, and bears, oh my! It's really cute. I finally got Paul to give me some input and he liked that theme. So that's what we're doing. I can't wait until we can start putting stuff in Baby's room! Yay!

On another note... I'm still waiting for my referral to my ob/gyn. I called my physician's office the other day and they said the referral went through and the ob would call me. I haven't received a call yet. So I called Tricare today to check on the referral. They said there was nothing entered in for a referral since October of 2009. He didn't even show a referral to Dr. Winceck at Scott and White. Odd. So I'm going to call the doctor's office again Monday since they decided to go on vacation this past week. I haven't had an ultrasound since the beginning of week 7. I'll be at least 13 weeks by the time I get an appointment in. Something needs to get done quickly. What if something happens? I need a doctor!

Pain

My hips are aching quite often now. I sleep with a pillow between my legs and I partially roll over on top of another one. That gets me comfy in bed, at least. But during the night and often throughout the day, particularly in certain sitting positions, my hips ache. I can't exactly explain it. It's almost a dull throbbing ache. Quite uncomfortable. I feel like I have a vice attached to each hip, and I am getting pulled apart. I thought my hips were big enough already. I hope they don't get too much bigger!

Holy Crap

Holy crap do I have to crap. Constipation has finally set in noticeably within the past week. I couldn't have a nice healthy shit if my life depended on it. I can get out a couple marble sized turds and that's about it. I was telling Paul in bed the other night, "I have to fart, but every time I do, it feels like I'm going to poop, so I try not to, so it feels like I have to fart all the time." MAKE IT GO AWAY! I never thought I'd miss pooping. But I do.

Second Trimester Approaching

Soon I will be in my second trimester. I am currently 10 weeks and 3 days. I feel as though it's already time for me to "recap" my first trimester.

I had bouts of nausea but that was only a couple times. I never did get sick. Naps were a must-have every day, for at least 2 hours. Bed time was at 9 pm.

And that pretty much sums it up. Hahaha!

What's different so far? No nausea (but I really didn't have any in the first place). I can, for the most part, deal with not having a nap. And I've been able to stay up past 10 the past few nights. Woo hoo!

Second trimester, here I come!

It's Official

We officially have names picked out. Woo hoo!!!!!

*drum roll please*

Renata Elyse Nebel and Bradley Michael Nebel

Aaah! Relief!

It's been raining outside off and on. Very warm and humid, but not shorts weather. So I put on my jeans. Oh my God they hurt! I couldn't breathe when I buttoned them up. So I unbuttoned and halfway unzipped them, then tucked the flaps in. If that didn't make me feel fat, I don't know what could have.

So I went to Target and got a belly band. I tried it on in the dressing room and didn't take it off. I just walked to the checkout with the package (which surprises me because the checkout girl didn't say anything to me about the package being empty..... hmm.... ). I got white so it will look like I have a tank top on under my shirt if it does happen to show. My God, I've never felt so much relief in my life. I can get bloated and full and still be comfortable in my pants. I feel kind of rediculous because no one can tell I'm pregnant, but I can tell. And I feel like a fat ass in my jeans.

I took some before and after pictures. I hope they amuse you.

BEFORE

My flaps are tucked in.

They're simply unbuttoned.

AFTER

With the belly band on. It not only flattens my unbuttoned jeans, but smoothes my curvy lovehandles. Yay!

Stop Crying!!!!

We went on a fishing trip with a couple friends last night. I had tons of fun. Fished (if you consider casting the line a couple times then handing the pole to my husband cuz I'm bored "fishing"), swam, and most of all I relaxed.

On our way out to the lake, we had to stop to get munchies and drinks. We first stopped at a tiiiiiiny gas station. I had already picked out a Slim Jim and a couple other things. Everybody else wanted to go to a bigger gast station because there wasn't much there they wanted. I asked the female of the other couple that was with us if I could at leasy buy my Slim Jim. She looked at me and jokingly but stern says, "No." I started crying in the middle of the gas station because I wanted a frickin Slim Jim!

Then later on after we'd fished for a while, they finally caught a fish (with my pretty orange fake worm I picked out, might I add). They guy of the other couple pulled out his knife and was going to chop it up and use it as bait. I was screaming at him and telling him no. He was nice and goes out of sight to cut the fish up. I started crying!

Really?! I'm getting tired of these tears. I cry over stupid stuff. Ugh! Just a few more weeks and the second trimester will be here and hopefully I won't be crazy!

Dreams

Lately I've been having weird dreams. Like 3 a night. They're crazy. Every once in a while I'll dream but I wake up to each of these and start talking to my husband telling him to do something.

I dreamed I was driving on WS Young up to Rancier and was going to hang a right at the stop light. I was in the truck. Then all of a sudden the tire blew on the truck. So I woke Paul up telling him to go outside because the tire's flat.

I dreamed I was trying to breastfeed the baby for the first time. Paul didn't believe I was making milk for the baby so I had to squirt him with it.

I dreamed Angel peed in the living room next to the fish tank. And the pee was flowing (yes flowing, it was alot of pee) toward the electrical stuff for the fish tank. I woke Paul up and told him to hurry into the living room because one of the animals just peed and it's running. He cracked the door open and looked and said "I'll get it tomorrow."

I dreamed Angel was throwing up a cat. I was sitting in the living room on the couch and she was in the dining room and I was watching her trying to puke. She puked once and a white cat leg was dangling out of her mouth. She tried puking some more. Then I woke up.

I know there have been some other weird things. But that's what my crazy head has come up with for now.

I'm going to die.

Holy hell do I have a migraine! It's like the past week, every day, I get a headache. But today sucks. Boooo! I have to work tonight but don't want to go. I've layed on the couch all day today. My head hurts if I don't look anywhere but straight ahead in little to no light. Ugh!

Weird occurence earlier...... So I though I had my first real food craving the other day for Whoppers. Nope. Today was it. I was sitting on the couch eating Goldfish. And I wanted peanut butter to dip my Goldfish in. I looked at Paul and started crying because I wanted peanut butter. Being the good husband he is, he went to the cabinet and got me a brand new jar of PB. What a man! ♥

Belly

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...... ☺

I know I'm chubby so I have a fat indent between my belly and "pooch" I guess you could say. I looked in the mirror about half an hour ago. My indent is not-so-dented. It still is a little bit but not as much. Yay! And I know I'm not constipated cuz... well, yeah.... And I know constipation can make you look more pregnant than you actually are. I'm not bloated. I feel the least bloated that I've felt in the past month. Soooo.... I'm hoping it's baby! Okay, well maybe uterus. But still..... Yay!

Just thought I'd share.

Should I be scared?

I don't feel pregnant. I don't feel anything. My boobs don't hurt. I don't feel sick. I don't feel a baby belly. I don't feel anything. Is that normal? It's freaking me out. I think I'm going to call my doctor tomorrow. I don't know. Uuuuuuuuugh!

First Ultrasound

I had my very first ultrasound June 15th. Even though the baby doesn't look much like a baby yet, he/she is still the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

I got my new due date. It is now 1/30/2011. During the ultrasound I was 7 weeks 2 days. Tomorrow I will be exactly 8 weeks. So every Sunday I gain a week. Baby's heartbeat was 145 beats per minute. I love my beautiful baby.

I finally got a call from my neurologist yesterday. My medicine dosage has to go up already. I was taking 100mg of Lamictal in the morning and 100mg at night. Starting tonight, for two weeks, I take 100mg in the morning and 150mg at night. Then thereafter, I take 100mg in the morning and 200mg at night.

I've been starting to get nausea. Yesterday it wasn't extremely bad but I'm not used to it so I didn't fare too well. All day and night I felt like crap. And all I wanted to do was sleep. Today I've been feeling "blah" too. I bought some ginger snap cookies last night, so when I feel icky, I eat a few cookies. It kind of helps. I probably don't eat enough, though.

My appetite has gone down. I don't eat as much as I did. I want to, but can't. One thing I absolutely love to eat is salad. Some baby spinach, with ranch dressing, cheddar cheese, and croutons. Yummy!

I had an emotional breakdown a couple days ago. I had a VERY long day at work and was looking forward to coming home to my husband. He wasn't home (and no he didn't just up and disappear, he texted me and told me where he was going). Boy, oh boy, did I freak out on him. All I did all night was cry and scream at him. I couldn't stop. I woke up to swollen eyes because I cried so hard. I even cried quite a bit that day, too. I've become an emotional roller coaster.

Lately I've been contemplating what I'm going to do before and after the baby is born. I have two states of mind. At one moment I keep thinking I'm going to work as long as I can and when I have the baby, I'm going to stay home with him/her and take online and evening classes. The jobs I can get now will only pay for daycare so it'll be pointless for me to work. On the other hand, I want to take a phlebotomy course this fall so I can get a decent paying job after I take maternity leave. But if I go to school now, it'll take away from my hours at work and it'll cost money for me to drive back and forth and for books and all that other stuff. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. School starts August 30, so I don't have too long to think about it. Ugh! What to do. What to do.

Oh, one more thing. Did I mention my boobs are getting big? Like, huge! I'm already falling out of my bras. Time to go bra shopping.

Week 8

So I figured I'd take a picture of my already-chubby self. Ya know, before I start to get a baby bump. My normal weight is about 210 pounds. So enjoy this nice picture of a tired and exhausted me at midnight, unable to sleep, looking like a hot mess.

Neurology Appointment

I just got home a little while ago from my neurology appointment. I went in for my normal 6 month checkup. But I also had to break the news (about the baby, of course!!!). I have to go get my Lamictal levels checked in the morning to make sure they're where they should be. In another three months (second trimester) I have to go back to get them checked again. We have to make sure they don't drop or else.... yeah. Catastrophe. If they do, I get to take more medicine, of course.

I was sooooo looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow. I guess not. Well, maybe an hour...... :-)

Oh, yeah, by the way....

Holy cow have I been tired!!!!!! If I don't do anything all day and sleep in a little, I don't need a nap. But God forbid, if I wake up before 7 and attempt to do something that may require effort, it's lights out mid-afternoon.

No sickness yet. A little nausea but nothing to complain about. Oregano makes me wanna barf, though. I cook with it quite a bit and I made dinner with oregano the other day and WOW.... I didn't feel too good. Hmmm... what else? *thinks* ...Oh, a couple mornings ago when I was on my way to work, I tried eating a Pop Tart. Nope. Wasn't having it. I wound up throwing my un-eaten half out the window and the other one just sat in the package until I threw it away today.

Nothing else entertaining has happened. Like I said, where's the fireworks? The grand parade? That special feeling? I have none of it. I just feel like me (98% like me, should I say).

First ultrasound on Tuesday the 15th!!!!

What the... ?

I thought when I got pregnant, there'd be like this special feeling. Or fireworks. Or something.

Nothing.

I feel like me. Plain ol' me. Nothing special. Kinda disappointed about that. Haha!

A Bit of Everything

So my appointment for my first ultrasound is June 15 because my hcg levels went up to 172 or something like that. So I am for sure pregnant. Yay! On the 15th we should be able to hear the baby's heartbeat. Again, I'm scared. What if it's not there? I think that once I get over that milestone, I'll be okay. Then I'll know for sure the baby's doing good and growing.

I'm so excited to see him/her! I'll probably cry. Knowing me I'll be a crazy psycho lady like I usually am and freak out. Hahaha! Paul swears up and down there's two babies. That would be cool.

I haven't been as tired as I was a couple weeks ago but I still get pretty tired every time after I eat. I usually have a nap during the day for a couple hours. If I can't fall asleep, I kind of vegetate in front of the tv.

I've been bitchy. And I've noticed that it's directed towards certain people. I don't know why. I honestly don't. They haven't done anything wrong. And I really want to be nice, I really really do! I just can't help it. It's like this demon comes over me. Seriously. I apologize to those people with all my heart. I don't mean to do it. I can't stop it.

On another note... My boobs seem to be getting bigger. Yay! Haha! But they were hurting because of my last ovulation and the pain started going away. But I've noticed the pain has slightly increased again. Boooo! I also hate when I wake up in the morning on my side because it feels like my shoulders are crushing my boobs. Does that make sense?! But I do my very best to sleep with a bra on. Normally it's my birthday suit but from now on it's a minimum of a bra. I don't need boobs to my knees before I'm 30.

I can't tell whether I've been having cravings or if it's just because I'm overweight. I had a little spell where I had to constantly have chocolate milk. Random things sound good to eat but nothing I absolutely HAVE to have.

No "morning" sickness. For now. Yay! Not even a hint of nausea.

Now a completely different subject regarding my pregnancy....

I'm on an anti-convulsand (I'm epileptic) and am taking Lamotrigine. I've looked up birth defects on the internet and the risks aren't THAT great. And my current and previous neurologists have known we've been trying to conceive and they think that Lamotrigine is the best medicine for the baby. I hope so. There's always the thought in the back of my head every time I take my medicine that I'm harming the baby, that he/she is going to have a cleft palate or something. I don't know. Maybe I'm just freaking out too much.

And to change the subject one more time....

I want a water birth. Maybe not necessarily actually giving birth in a tub but being able to relax in a tub the majority of the labor. Paul thinks I'm weird. I've read up on the internet that it's extremely soothing and takes tons of weight and stress off of you. So I called the ob/gyn I wanted to see if she did water births and her nurse/receptionist lady said no. So my goal is to find a doctor that at least has a facility with some sort of jacuzzi/tub for me to utilize. There's a birthing center just up the road that has a water birth suite and two other suites that look just like bedrooms, but a) it's not at a hospital in case an emergency arises and b) I'll be discharged in 3-6 hours after the birth, so I can't rest and have staff help me for a couple days learn to take care of the baby. It sounded like a good idea going there at first but the more I think about it, the more I don't want that option. So for now it's a regular ob/gyn, at a hospital, with a jacuzzi/tub.

Biting my nails

Oh god, I'm so nervous about tomorrow. What if the HPT was wrong? What if the lab read the blood test results wrong? What if I'm not pregnant? I went to the lab today to get another blood test done. What if my hcg levels didn't go up? I don't feel pregnant. I don't think I am. I think there's something wrong. Please let everything be okay. I can't have everyone thinking I'm crazy. I'm so scared. I can't stop stressing about the results tomorrow!

Thoughts and Feelings

I'm so excited. I think of it every moment of every day. I'm also scared. And nervous. Not about actually having the baby and trying to raise him/her. But the pregnancy. I am scared to death that I'm going to miscarry. We've had so many problems in the past, what's one more? I hope I don't worry myself to the point it causes me to have one. I'm so excited to be a soon-to-be mommy, though. I can't wait.

I'm already getting antsy and have created a registry on Walmart's web site. Haha! I just like looking at all the stuff and picking everything out. I can't wait to start decorating the baby's room. I still can't figure out what color to paint it. Hmm....

I don't have any "symptoms" right now. My boobs were hurting from the injection I gave myself to ovulate so they were already hurting from that. They barely hurt anymore. So that's not pregnancy related. I don't get sick. I don't get nauseous. The one thing I have noticed, even before we found out I was pregnant, was that I sleep and am tired a lot. Gotta catch my zzzzzz's. That's about the only thing. I do feel crampy every once in a great, great while. But I read in articles that that's normal becuase my uterus is expanding. So I'm not too worried about that.

But yeah, Paul, my lil raisin, and I are doing good so far. We're excited to finally be a family. We'll see what the next few months brings.

Our Four Years Has Finally Paid Off

I got my lab results today.

I'M PREGNANT!

According to the websites I find, I am about 5 weeks along. Not very far, huh? They also say I'm due 1/27/2011.

My hcg level was only at 40 and it has to be at 100 or higher in order to get an ultrasound or else the doctor can't see the baby. So I go back on the 25th to get another blood test done. As soon as I get pictures, I PROMISE I'll post them. And as soon as I get exact dates and whatnot, I'll write it.

I'm so freaking excited I can't stop smiling and laughing and crying.

I've decided to keep my blog going even though we found out our good news. They say pregnancy's hell so I figured I'd keep writing. Haha!

First Positive Pregnancy Test

I'm supposed to start my period tomorrow but I decided to take a pregnancy test today for the hell of it. After I took it, the screen filled and there was only one line. I didn't wait a minute or however long to read it. I figured "oh well" and put it on the shelf above the toilet and left it there. An hour or so later I decided to go look at it again, for the hell of it. There was a second line. Not so faint you have to squint to see it but not as dark as the other one. But there definitely was a line there.

I called the doctor's office and I get to take a blood test in the morning. I gotta be there at 7 am so I can get my results tomorrow, too.

I'd take another pregnancy test but I don't feel like it. What if it's too early and all the other tests show up negative? What if I waited way too long to read it and it was supposed to be negative? I just want to get a blood test done for 100% accurate results.

I cried. I couldn't stop shaking. And God forbid, I hope it's right.

I'm Crazy!

I gave myself the shot 5/8. I think I'm going crazy now.

I was driving to Temple the other day and I was listening to some country music. I swear I cried to EVERY SINGLE SONG! I would sing the words to the first verse and then just go hysterical. I'm surprised I didn't drive off the Belton dam because I was crying. ;-)

I'm happy one moment. Then a pissy bitch the next. Happy. Mad. Happy. Mad. My husband and I will be having a normal conversation and he'll say something innocent and I'll blow up on him. Then I have my moments where I'm sucking up to him like crazy.

And work today! I was attempting to scan something and my lazer wasn't working. It wouldn't scan. I almost started crying because I was getting frustrated. Why won't it scan?!

So yeah... Right now I'm borderline schitzophrenic, I think. Something. I'm going crazy.

Ovulation Attempt #2

Went to the doctor today. Of course. When don't I go to the doctor. Well, it was actually his nurse who did my appointment because he wasn't there. She was pretty cool. She said I have two eggs this time. How frickin' awesome is that?! TWO!!!! That put me in a good mood today.

I have to take the same shot that I got last time. Ovidrel (choriogonadotropin alfa injection), 0.5 mL. I'm kinda scared to give myself the shot again but hello!!!! I just gave it to myself last month. I don't know. Maybe it's just the fear of injecting something into my body by myself.

But yeah, I'm also not looking forward to the "ovulation symptoms". That about killed me last month. My boobs hurt so bad. And poor Paul! I was a bitch!

I give myself the shot tomorrow morning. Then we have to do a little baby-making Sunday evening (which by the way, will be our 4 year anniversary of trying to conceive). Until then, practice makes perfect, right? ;-)

Mother's Day

So I was thinking... Wouldn't it be awesome if I found out I was pregnant on Mother's Day? With it being on May 9, that puts me at cycle day 18, so I guess it could be possible. I really wouldn't find out until around the 23rd when I'm supposed to be getting my next menses. But hey, wishful thinking never hurt, right? I just thought it would be pretty neat. Four years. Haha!

Chlomiphene

I have to take Chlomiphene on cycle days 5-7 again. I started yesterday. The doctor upped my dosage. 200mg daily. It's not too bad. I take 4 pills and they're tiny. I'm just not looking forward to having to take that shot again, that is if we need to. And if I do, I promise I'll get the name for it. :-)

But yeah, nothing too exciting has happened lately. I'm starting to go through the stage of going to the club a lot. I want to go out and have fun before I become a mommy. I may have several more years of fun, I may only have another 25 days. Who knows? But for now, I just want to live it up.

Speechless

I got my period today. It hasn't come in heavy yet but it's started.

I don't even know what to feel. Or how to feel. I just feel empty.

I'll wait until tomorrow to call the doctor.



Here we go again...

Ovulation

I went to get labs done on 4/15 to determine whether or not I ovulated. I called the doctor on 4/16. I did. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! One step closer!

The doctor said I'm supposed to get my period on the 22nd. If I get it, I'm supposed to call. If I don't, I need to take a pregnancy test. What do I think's going to happen? I think my period's going to be late due to stressing about it. I'll think I'm pregnant, take a test, and it will be negative. Then I'll be even more depressed than I would be in the first place. I don't feel pregnant. I don't think I'm pregnant. I'm tired of trying to think that.

Just a little poem I found...

God answers so many of my little prayers,
so why not the big ones too?
I just can't understand it
Why does He do the things he decides to do?
My deepest desire lies unfullfilled
I feel so hopeless inside
I know I should be thankful
and not so full of pride.
I ask God every day
for this or that, you know, little things.
And when He answers so clearly
my heart just really sings.
But in those deep, pondering moments
When I ask for the desire of my heart,
I get no clear answer
and then my tears start,
Oh God, I want a baby
to hold and kiss and love
I know that You alone can give me
that blessing from above.
I keep waiting, waiting, waiting
and my patience grows to despair.
Oh why can't I have a baby?
For nothing else I truely care.
I know You haven't forgotten me
for better things to do
because You answer all my little prayers,
I just wish You'd fulfill my big one, too.






By Stephanie Marottek


9/25/01

OOOOUUUUUUUCH!

Did I mention my boobs hurt? I mean, they freakin' HURT!

They started hurting a day or two after I gave myself that shot. Holy crap, those are some kick-ass hormones.

Hopefully the shot did its job though.

But yeah, my boobs are killing me.

FYI.

Getting Excited

So I didn't put the name of the shot I had to give myself on my last blog and guess what.... I threw away the box so I have no clue what it was. I'll have to find out at my next doctor's appointment.

But yeah, I gave myself a shot for the very first time. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Hell, it wasn't bad at all. Didn't hurt. Nothing. Just stick and go. It was easier to do this time than last. Last time I had vials to mix and had no clue how to do it so I went to the doctor. This time the medicine was already in the syringe so all I had to do was unwrap and go. I think I'm capable of giving myself shots in the belly fat from now on. ☺

Tomorrow we're supposed to "make love" as the doctor instructs. I'm actually getting excited. I think it may work this time. On the 15th (I think), I have to go to the lab to have tests done to see if I've ovulated. Hopefully I will have by then. I think that if I ovulate, which seems to be the problem period, we'll have no problem getting pregnant. Gotta lay the eggs before they hatch!

So hopefully in a couple weeks we'll find out if we're pregnant or not. PLEEEEAAASE WORK! ☺

Maybe....

Went to the doctor again today. My right ovary is being stupid like every other cycle I've ever had. Doc said my left egg is looking BEAUTIFUL! So he gave me a shot to take home (name unknown, and I don't feel like getting up to look at the package) and on Wednesday I have to give it to myself. It's supposed to make me ovulate. Thursday evening we're supposed to "do the deed" again. I'm hoping and praying! It lifted my spirits a little hearing my egg is pretty good looking. Maybe this month we'll have success. I HOPE!

I can't do this anymore.

I give up. I have no hope left and I'm tired of trying.

I've "given up" before, but always in the back of my mind I still have hope. Not anymore. Not even an inkling.

I don't care. Well, I do care. I... I don't know. I feel like we're getting nowhere real quick and in a hurry. Do I want to be a mom this bad, and right now? I keep starting to have more and more doubts in the back of my mind. Maybe it's not meant to be. Maybe there's another "plan" for me. I don't know.

I've been thinking alot lately and maybe it's the fact that I'm overweight, also. I haven't had a single doctor tell me that was the issue but I'm 80 pounds overweight. I know that's gotta be causing part of the problem. Maybe we should put off this whole baby-making idea until I lose weight. It may be ten years from now, but it might be the solution to the problem.

Maybe I'm just going stir crazy. Maybe I'm right. Who knows? This is all just getting to be too hard and I can't do it anymore. I give up.

First Cycle of Chlomid

Day 1 started on Sunday the 21st. On days 5-9 I take 3 pills a day of Chlomid to try to get me to ovulate. I have an ultrasound scheduled for Monday, April 5. Not much else has happened. "Practice makes perfect," and that's about it. I should have more eventful and exciting news after my ultrasound.

Ultrasound #2

I had my second ultrasound on Thurday. Paul didn't get to go because he couldn't get out of work.

The news wasn't good. Doc did the ultrasound, told me to get dressed, and left the room. He comes back in a little while later and tells me we're not doing the procedure this month. I didn't produce as many eggs as he would like for one, and for two, he doesn't think I'm even ovulating.

That was a blow below the belt.

He prescribed me Medroxyprogesterone. I take it for ten days and then my period will start. On day once of my cycle I have to call the doctor. He's going to prescribe me Chlomid and I have to do that for a few cycles to try to get me to ovulate.

All of the current procedures are getting billed to Tricare and the Scott and White business office is giving us the $1100 back. The money we raised from donations and fundraising will go into savings until we need to pay for the next procedure.

So if I ovulate, we can either a) conceive naturally or b) try the IUI.

If I don't, my gut feeling is telling me we have to do IVF. It's approximately $7000.

As I left my appointment, I choked back tears as I entered the elevator. When I got home, I told Paul, and he just kind of stared into space. He didn't say to much. Later that night we were in the kitchen and I cried on his shoulder for about 10 minutes. Since Thursday he hasn't been his normal self. I don't like it.

I wish things would just work out for us. Why can't we be normal? This sucks so bad. I've lost all motivation to do anything. I want to give up so bad, but we've worked too hard to quit now.

Why me? Why us?

Ultrasound

Man it hurts spending $1100 on something you have no clue as to what the outcome will be. I almost cried. Ok, not literally, but still. It's not fun spending that much money.

So we had the ultrasound. So far the doctor thinks I "could have more" follicles so he had the nurse give me another shot of Menopur. I go back on Thursday the 4th at 3. Hopefully I'll be Fertile Myrtle. Hahaha!

...But he did mention something. He said "If you don't get pregnant this cycle, I'm going to probably double your Chlomid and give you Menopur shots on days 5, 7, and 9. I'll put you full throttle." Paul and I are hoping that if he doesn't think I have as many follicles as I can produce by the end of the week, then maybe he won't want to go ahead with the procedure. Then we can try again next month using the maximum amount of medication. Then we won't have to pay the $1100 again. Just pay for the medication again. Decisions, decisions. That might sound like a VERY good option. We're already breaking the bank.

But yeah. That's all we know for now. Will know more Thursday. Hopefully I won't be so nervous. Now that I've already had one appointment, the second one doesn't seem so terrifying... yet.