So my appointment for my first ultrasound is June 15 because my hcg levels went up to 172 or something like that. So I am for sure pregnant. Yay! On the 15th we should be able to hear the baby's heartbeat. Again, I'm scared. What if it's not there? I think that once I get over that milestone, I'll be okay. Then I'll know for sure the baby's doing good and growing.
I'm so excited to see him/her! I'll probably cry. Knowing me I'll be a crazy psycho lady like I usually am and freak out. Hahaha! Paul swears up and down there's two babies. That would be cool.
I haven't been as tired as I was a couple weeks ago but I still get pretty tired every time after I eat. I usually have a nap during the day for a couple hours. If I can't fall asleep, I kind of vegetate in front of the tv.
I've been bitchy. And I've noticed that it's directed towards certain people. I don't know why. I honestly don't. They haven't done anything wrong. And I really want to be nice, I really really do! I just can't help it. It's like this demon comes over me. Seriously. I apologize to those people with all my heart. I don't mean to do it. I can't stop it.
On another note... My boobs seem to be getting bigger. Yay! Haha! But they were hurting because of my last ovulation and the pain started going away. But I've noticed the pain has slightly increased again. Boooo! I also hate when I wake up in the morning on my side because it feels like my shoulders are crushing my boobs. Does that make sense?! But I do my very best to sleep with a bra on. Normally it's my birthday suit but from now on it's a minimum of a bra. I don't need boobs to my knees before I'm 30.
I can't tell whether I've been having cravings or if it's just because I'm overweight. I had a little spell where I had to constantly have chocolate milk. Random things sound good to eat but nothing I absolutely HAVE to have.
No "morning" sickness. For now. Yay! Not even a hint of nausea.
Now a completely different subject regarding my pregnancy....
I'm on an anti-convulsand (I'm epileptic) and am taking Lamotrigine. I've looked up birth defects on the internet and the risks aren't THAT great. And my current and previous neurologists have known we've been trying to conceive and they think that Lamotrigine is the best medicine for the baby. I hope so. There's always the thought in the back of my head every time I take my medicine that I'm harming the baby, that he/she is going to have a cleft palate or something. I don't know. Maybe I'm just freaking out too much.
And to change the subject one more time....
I want a water birth. Maybe not necessarily actually giving birth in a tub but being able to relax in a tub the majority of the labor. Paul thinks I'm weird. I've read up on the internet that it's extremely soothing and takes tons of weight and stress off of you. So I called the ob/gyn I wanted to see if she did water births and her nurse/receptionist lady said no. So my goal is to find a doctor that at least has a facility with some sort of jacuzzi/tub for me to utilize. There's a birthing center just up the road that has a water birth suite and two other suites that look just like bedrooms, but a) it's not at a hospital in case an emergency arises and b) I'll be discharged in 3-6 hours after the birth, so I can't rest and have staff help me for a couple days learn to take care of the baby. It sounded like a good idea going there at first but the more I think about it, the more I don't want that option. So for now it's a regular ob/gyn, at a hospital, with a jacuzzi/tub.
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