Ultrasound #2

I had my second ultrasound on Thurday. Paul didn't get to go because he couldn't get out of work.

The news wasn't good. Doc did the ultrasound, told me to get dressed, and left the room. He comes back in a little while later and tells me we're not doing the procedure this month. I didn't produce as many eggs as he would like for one, and for two, he doesn't think I'm even ovulating.

That was a blow below the belt.

He prescribed me Medroxyprogesterone. I take it for ten days and then my period will start. On day once of my cycle I have to call the doctor. He's going to prescribe me Chlomid and I have to do that for a few cycles to try to get me to ovulate.

All of the current procedures are getting billed to Tricare and the Scott and White business office is giving us the $1100 back. The money we raised from donations and fundraising will go into savings until we need to pay for the next procedure.

So if I ovulate, we can either a) conceive naturally or b) try the IUI.

If I don't, my gut feeling is telling me we have to do IVF. It's approximately $7000.

As I left my appointment, I choked back tears as I entered the elevator. When I got home, I told Paul, and he just kind of stared into space. He didn't say to much. Later that night we were in the kitchen and I cried on his shoulder for about 10 minutes. Since Thursday he hasn't been his normal self. I don't like it.

I wish things would just work out for us. Why can't we be normal? This sucks so bad. I've lost all motivation to do anything. I want to give up so bad, but we've worked too hard to quit now.

Why me? Why us?