Birthing Classes

I finally got my birthing class scheduled. It's the next four Mondays (November 1, 8, 15, & 22) from 7-9. I don't know who's going with me. Either Paul or Dad. Whoever isn't busy, I guess.

27 Weeks

Today marks the beginning of 27 weeks. The last week of trimester number two. Woo hoo!

I finally was able to buy myself a couple pairs of jeans. The one pair of maternity pants I bought was capris. It's starting to get colder outside and we'll be going to Iowa in a few weeks so I thought it was time to buy some jeans to cover my ankles. My old jeans are too tight anymore to wear. My last pair of jeans that could were buttonable are no longer able to button. I have to wear a hair tie around the button.

I also bought two baby blankets today. Very soft. A brown one and a green one. Time's running out and I'm slowly getting more stuff for Benton. It's all so overwhelming on what to get. I really need to start saving money to get the big stuff (stroller, car seat, etc) instead of buying all this little stuff. Ugh! Stress.

And last but not least, one more pregnancy symptom that I've noticed. I drool. I drooled before but not like I do now. I wake up and my pillow is soaked. Definitely going to have to buy pillow protectors.

Braxton Hicks

Today I have done absolutely nothing but contract. I've officially begun to notice Braxton Hicks contractions. They don't hurt at all. But all day I've been feeling my belly tighten up and I get somewhat uncomfortable. They come at what seems to be a regular pace (the exact pace I don't know because I'm not keeping track) and far apart. I'm not worried at all but it is definitely something new to me.

Diaper Party

Today we had our diaper party. It was really quite fun! I enjoyed getting to spend time with the people closest to me. It was Paul and I, Joe and Rebecca, Mom and Dad, the Grewicks, and the Jenns. Later on Bernice, her daughter, and Keyshia showed up to visit. We got tons of diapers and baby wipes. It'll definitely put us off to a good start. The cake was extremely yummy. Paul and I fought over the icing, a) because it was good, and b) because it turns your mouth blue.

The Grewicks won the raffle. The prize was a coupon book with coupons for a lawn mowing, car wash, redbox rental, and a couple other things.

Joe won the poker tournament. He won bragging rights.

It was a very fun day. Even though people didn't show up when they said they would, we still made the most of it.

Secret Project

I took the horse shoe shaped cake pan back to Hobby Lobby today. It was awesome but at the same time, since I'm so stressed about having people over Sunday, I don't want to make a cake on top of everything else I need to do. So I will be buying a cake from HEB.

Which brings me to my next point: I completed a secret project today. While I was at Hobby Lobby, I couldn't resist looking around. I've always wanted to put my baby's name on his or her wall. So I found some stencils and paint and kept myself occupied for a good couple hours today. It'll be right above his crib. It's brown on bottom faded to white on top. I'm contemplating whether or not to outline it in black. The edges are kind of rough looking but then again, it's got the rustic feel to it. So I don't know. But it was nice to have a little fun project to do for once. And it checked one more thing off my baby to-do list.

And in my process of being miserable yesterday, I deleted the baby guessing game. It was just one more thing for me to keep track of.

And, as always, another belly picture. I got bored laying in bed last night so I took some pictures.

25w3d

Blowing Off Steam

I need to vent. Bad.

So I decided we should have a diaper party. Me. No one else. I was going to throw one for just Paul and the guys but figured it would be more fun if me and my -2 friends could come, too. So we're having a party this weekend. Do we have the money? I don't know. Has anyone RSVPed? No. Am I pissed? Yes. Am I offended? Yes. Will anyone actually show up besides my parents? I don't know. Will I have enough food if people do decide to come? I don't know. Will I be spending more money on throwing this thing than what I'll get out of it? More than likely. Am I thrilled about having to make my own cake and food? No. Is my house going to take forever to clean? Yes.

And Paul finally got his orders yesterday for deployment. Even though my parents will be with me when Benton is born, I am still scared shitless to have him gone. I want him here. I can't stop crying every day when I think about it. Literally, every day I cry now. I don't want him to go. We tried so hard and so freaking long for this day to get here. And when it does, he's going to be gone. I feel this big empty hole in my heart and in the pit of my stomach. There's always the possibility of webcam or video taping. But it's not the same. I want him here to catch the baby. To cry with me. To laugh with me. To love with me. But he's not. And I'm fucking pissed and scared and a million other emotions at once. And again, I'm crying.

I'm scared to death to bring Benton home. I'm going to be alone. My husband won't be here to stop my crying. And I know for a fact that that's all I'll do. I have to go a whole year of raising a child by myself - when I'm married! I don't want to. I don't want my husband to miss all of his firsts and some of his lasts. He will never be this little again and Paul won't be here to experience it.

I want to rip my hair out right now. I'm crying. I need a hug but can't get one. I want to crawl into bed and let the world go on without me for a little while. I'm stressed to the max. This sucks.

Chunky Monkey

Today I had another prenatal checkup. Heartbeat was good. Fundal height was good. I gained 7 pounds in four weeks. Yes, I said it, 7 pounds. I was 207 at the last appointment, and obviously if you add 7, I now weight 214. The doctor said that was a little much but since I'm only back at my pre-pregnancy weight, he's not too worried about it. I told him my baby's a chunky monkey and that's why I gained so much.

Next appointment is on November 10th. Two days before my 23rd birthday. I get to get a glucose screening. Yuck! I've had one before and didn't enjoy it. I don't forsee myself enjoying it this time either.

Symptoms

I have now developed what I would like to call "End of second trimester pregnancy symptoms". They include, but are not limited to:

• Dry skin
• Feeling hot the majority of the time
• Stuffy sounding breathing while sleeping
• Inability to reach my own body parts
• Ability to burp (for those of you who know me well, I absolutely cannot burp)
• Two leaky breasts instead of just one
• Inability to accept how I look
• Constant hunger except when it's an actual meal time
• Mid-day drowsiness
• Inability to not offend people
• Forgetfulness

Again, they include but are not limited to the previously mentioned items.

But I do it all for you baby Benton! And I'd do it all over again if I had to. ♥

Celebration

Since Paul and I don't really have a whole lot of friends and family here in Texas, we can't really have a baby shower or men-only baby shower. So we're having a co-ed diaper party. That way all of our friends and family can come celebrate the baby's nearing arrival.

Rebecca has been more than gracious helping me out with decorations and cake ideas. She's also the "RSVP Lady". We picked out some red (sorry, Hobby Lobby didn't have blue) handkerchief napkins and plates and will be making a horseshoe shaped cake with toy horses on top. We're also hanging red and white streamers around the house. When everything is complete and set up I will take pictures.

I made the invitations myself. They were printed on blue cardstock at Office Depot. Cost me a whopping $4.00 for 40 invitations. :-D

We came up with a couple things to do for the diaper party. The main event will be poker (see invitation). The other is a raffle. I still haven't figured out what we'll be raffling off but I was thinking 2 tickets for putt putt golf and a gift card to Dairy Queen sounded good (ice cream after a date?). I don't know yet. And maybe a $10 gift card somewhere for the winner of the poker game.

We're going to make the food, too. Nothing too hard. Just making little sandwiches.

I'm kind of nervous. It's one of those, "What if no one comes?" things. I just hope we have a great turnout so we can at least spend one "last" day hanging out with friends. Diapers would be a plus, but having everyone over for a good time would be the best gift ever.

Another Picture

24w5d

Gaining

I swear to God, when I weighed myself this morning, the scale said I gained 10 pounds. I'm almost back to my original weight. I guess that's not too bad. At least it's baby-belly weight and not belly-roll weight. :-)

Bumper

I went to the Goodwill today to look for a longer cord to hook our modem up to. I found one. Then I decided to browse around to see if I could find anything cute for Benton's room. In the curtain/bedding section I found an awesome bumper for the crib. Since we're decorating the room western-ish, I thought it would be perfect. I wasn't going to use a bumper but when I found it, I just had to get it.

$3.99 at the Goodwill

He's Growing!

Today I had another in-depth ultrasound. It wasn't as long as the last one but of course, it was still fun to watch.

Benton was moving around quite a bit, like he normally does. He's a swimmer! Haha!

The lady took some measurements of him. He had "normal" legs and measured about a week ahead on his arms and head, and his belly (if I remember correctly) measured two weeks ahead. I didn't get a length but he's estimated to weigh one pound, eleven ounces. He's a little chunker!

The doctor had no concerns over how the ultrasound looked or how he was growing. Benton is still a healthy, active baby boy (and yes, it was confirmed AGAIN that he's still a he).

23w3d

Ultrasound photos will be uploaded later.

My Little Benny Bunny Baby

We have finally decided on a name.

Benton Michael Nebel

A short while ago, I had sent Paul a message on Facebook telling him I was upset about not picking a name yet. After he read it (a week after I sent it), we sat in the living room and picked names. I Googled "Western Boy Names". I kind of rattled the list off and Paul said yes or no. We couldn't find anything on the first website we found. On the second website, we found two. I don't recall the second name. But one of the names was Benton. And of course, of the two, we picked Benton.

Since then, I've been able to comfortable call the baby Benton when I talk to him. And I told a few people about the name. It's different but not too different. Just right.

I've been contemplating having a shortened name for him: Ben. But I don't know. I'm not much of a "Ben" person and my nephew's dad's name is Ben. Also, I don't want people thinking his name is Benjamin. So I think the shortened version is going to be a no-go. I do, however, sometimes call him my Lil Benny Bunny Baby. It's just fun to say.

Anywho, so Paul and I were sitting on the couch this morning before he went to work and I was cruising the internet. I went by my blog to check up on it and told him about me writing a letter to Baby. He sort of caught a glimpse of me saying, "That's all Daddy's doing". So I explained to him that I apologized in the letter because I was writing to Baby and not a named child. He says, "He has a name!" I was like, "We never said it was official." And he was kind of like, "It's Benton."

So now we have a named baby.

I love my Little Benny Bunny Baby

We can't wait to meet you, Benton! ♥

Dear Baby,

Dear Baby,

First off, I'd like to apologize for not having a name for you yet. That's all Daddy's doing. I feel weird writing a letter to Baby instead of my named child.

I just wanted to write you to let you know how I feel and how I hope to feel. You mean the world to me and nothing will ever change that. It's the most awesome and amazing feeling getting to feel you growing rapidly inside my belly and inside my heart. I'm loving every minute of it, from the kicks and thumps, to the non-stop urge to pee because it feels like your toenails are scratching my bladder.

Every day I imagine what it will be like when the time comes to give birth. I often cry tears of joy thinking about it. I also think about your first birthday. And what you'll look like when you grow up. And who you'll become. And all the other things in between.

I hope to be the best mom you could ever wish and hope for. I know we're not going to like each other at times, but I'll always love you. And I know that at other times, we'll be inseperable. I hope to be able to comfort you when you need it most and to guide you when you've lost your way. I hope to show you how to do everything the right way but I hope to not do everything for you. I want you to be you. Not me. Not Dad.

I hope to be able to provide for you all the necessities and then some. Diapers. Food. School clothes. Sports uniforms. College books. The whole nine yards. I hope you gain positive self-esteem and confidence in all you do.

Also, ahead of time, I'd like to apologise. This is my first time doing any of this. I'm new. Just like you're new to the world, I'm going to be new to the world of parenting. I will make mistakes. I will try my hardest not to, but I know I will. And Daddy will. And you will, too. But that's okay. We're all new at this together and can learn from each other.

All in all, I want you to become the greatest person known to mankind. If you can't get that far, at least know you'll be the greatest person to me. No matter what.

I love you with all my heart.

Always and forever,

Mommy ♥