A Bit of Everything

So my appointment for my first ultrasound is June 15 because my hcg levels went up to 172 or something like that. So I am for sure pregnant. Yay! On the 15th we should be able to hear the baby's heartbeat. Again, I'm scared. What if it's not there? I think that once I get over that milestone, I'll be okay. Then I'll know for sure the baby's doing good and growing.

I'm so excited to see him/her! I'll probably cry. Knowing me I'll be a crazy psycho lady like I usually am and freak out. Hahaha! Paul swears up and down there's two babies. That would be cool.

I haven't been as tired as I was a couple weeks ago but I still get pretty tired every time after I eat. I usually have a nap during the day for a couple hours. If I can't fall asleep, I kind of vegetate in front of the tv.

I've been bitchy. And I've noticed that it's directed towards certain people. I don't know why. I honestly don't. They haven't done anything wrong. And I really want to be nice, I really really do! I just can't help it. It's like this demon comes over me. Seriously. I apologize to those people with all my heart. I don't mean to do it. I can't stop it.

On another note... My boobs seem to be getting bigger. Yay! Haha! But they were hurting because of my last ovulation and the pain started going away. But I've noticed the pain has slightly increased again. Boooo! I also hate when I wake up in the morning on my side because it feels like my shoulders are crushing my boobs. Does that make sense?! But I do my very best to sleep with a bra on. Normally it's my birthday suit but from now on it's a minimum of a bra. I don't need boobs to my knees before I'm 30.

I can't tell whether I've been having cravings or if it's just because I'm overweight. I had a little spell where I had to constantly have chocolate milk. Random things sound good to eat but nothing I absolutely HAVE to have.

No "morning" sickness. For now. Yay! Not even a hint of nausea.

Now a completely different subject regarding my pregnancy....

I'm on an anti-convulsand (I'm epileptic) and am taking Lamotrigine. I've looked up birth defects on the internet and the risks aren't THAT great. And my current and previous neurologists have known we've been trying to conceive and they think that Lamotrigine is the best medicine for the baby. I hope so. There's always the thought in the back of my head every time I take my medicine that I'm harming the baby, that he/she is going to have a cleft palate or something. I don't know. Maybe I'm just freaking out too much.

And to change the subject one more time....

I want a water birth. Maybe not necessarily actually giving birth in a tub but being able to relax in a tub the majority of the labor. Paul thinks I'm weird. I've read up on the internet that it's extremely soothing and takes tons of weight and stress off of you. So I called the ob/gyn I wanted to see if she did water births and her nurse/receptionist lady said no. So my goal is to find a doctor that at least has a facility with some sort of jacuzzi/tub for me to utilize. There's a birthing center just up the road that has a water birth suite and two other suites that look just like bedrooms, but a) it's not at a hospital in case an emergency arises and b) I'll be discharged in 3-6 hours after the birth, so I can't rest and have staff help me for a couple days learn to take care of the baby. It sounded like a good idea going there at first but the more I think about it, the more I don't want that option. So for now it's a regular ob/gyn, at a hospital, with a jacuzzi/tub.

Biting my nails

Oh god, I'm so nervous about tomorrow. What if the HPT was wrong? What if the lab read the blood test results wrong? What if I'm not pregnant? I went to the lab today to get another blood test done. What if my hcg levels didn't go up? I don't feel pregnant. I don't think I am. I think there's something wrong. Please let everything be okay. I can't have everyone thinking I'm crazy. I'm so scared. I can't stop stressing about the results tomorrow!

Thoughts and Feelings

I'm so excited. I think of it every moment of every day. I'm also scared. And nervous. Not about actually having the baby and trying to raise him/her. But the pregnancy. I am scared to death that I'm going to miscarry. We've had so many problems in the past, what's one more? I hope I don't worry myself to the point it causes me to have one. I'm so excited to be a soon-to-be mommy, though. I can't wait.

I'm already getting antsy and have created a registry on Walmart's web site. Haha! I just like looking at all the stuff and picking everything out. I can't wait to start decorating the baby's room. I still can't figure out what color to paint it. Hmm....

I don't have any "symptoms" right now. My boobs were hurting from the injection I gave myself to ovulate so they were already hurting from that. They barely hurt anymore. So that's not pregnancy related. I don't get sick. I don't get nauseous. The one thing I have noticed, even before we found out I was pregnant, was that I sleep and am tired a lot. Gotta catch my zzzzzz's. That's about the only thing. I do feel crampy every once in a great, great while. But I read in articles that that's normal becuase my uterus is expanding. So I'm not too worried about that.

But yeah, Paul, my lil raisin, and I are doing good so far. We're excited to finally be a family. We'll see what the next few months brings.

Our Four Years Has Finally Paid Off

I got my lab results today.

I'M PREGNANT!

According to the websites I find, I am about 5 weeks along. Not very far, huh? They also say I'm due 1/27/2011.

My hcg level was only at 40 and it has to be at 100 or higher in order to get an ultrasound or else the doctor can't see the baby. So I go back on the 25th to get another blood test done. As soon as I get pictures, I PROMISE I'll post them. And as soon as I get exact dates and whatnot, I'll write it.

I'm so freaking excited I can't stop smiling and laughing and crying.

I've decided to keep my blog going even though we found out our good news. They say pregnancy's hell so I figured I'd keep writing. Haha!

First Positive Pregnancy Test

I'm supposed to start my period tomorrow but I decided to take a pregnancy test today for the hell of it. After I took it, the screen filled and there was only one line. I didn't wait a minute or however long to read it. I figured "oh well" and put it on the shelf above the toilet and left it there. An hour or so later I decided to go look at it again, for the hell of it. There was a second line. Not so faint you have to squint to see it but not as dark as the other one. But there definitely was a line there.

I called the doctor's office and I get to take a blood test in the morning. I gotta be there at 7 am so I can get my results tomorrow, too.

I'd take another pregnancy test but I don't feel like it. What if it's too early and all the other tests show up negative? What if I waited way too long to read it and it was supposed to be negative? I just want to get a blood test done for 100% accurate results.

I cried. I couldn't stop shaking. And God forbid, I hope it's right.

I'm Crazy!

I gave myself the shot 5/8. I think I'm going crazy now.

I was driving to Temple the other day and I was listening to some country music. I swear I cried to EVERY SINGLE SONG! I would sing the words to the first verse and then just go hysterical. I'm surprised I didn't drive off the Belton dam because I was crying. ;-)

I'm happy one moment. Then a pissy bitch the next. Happy. Mad. Happy. Mad. My husband and I will be having a normal conversation and he'll say something innocent and I'll blow up on him. Then I have my moments where I'm sucking up to him like crazy.

And work today! I was attempting to scan something and my lazer wasn't working. It wouldn't scan. I almost started crying because I was getting frustrated. Why won't it scan?!

So yeah... Right now I'm borderline schitzophrenic, I think. Something. I'm going crazy.

Ovulation Attempt #2

Went to the doctor today. Of course. When don't I go to the doctor. Well, it was actually his nurse who did my appointment because he wasn't there. She was pretty cool. She said I have two eggs this time. How frickin' awesome is that?! TWO!!!! That put me in a good mood today.

I have to take the same shot that I got last time. Ovidrel (choriogonadotropin alfa injection), 0.5 mL. I'm kinda scared to give myself the shot again but hello!!!! I just gave it to myself last month. I don't know. Maybe it's just the fear of injecting something into my body by myself.

But yeah, I'm also not looking forward to the "ovulation symptoms". That about killed me last month. My boobs hurt so bad. And poor Paul! I was a bitch!

I give myself the shot tomorrow morning. Then we have to do a little baby-making Sunday evening (which by the way, will be our 4 year anniversary of trying to conceive). Until then, practice makes perfect, right? ;-)

Mother's Day

So I was thinking... Wouldn't it be awesome if I found out I was pregnant on Mother's Day? With it being on May 9, that puts me at cycle day 18, so I guess it could be possible. I really wouldn't find out until around the 23rd when I'm supposed to be getting my next menses. But hey, wishful thinking never hurt, right? I just thought it would be pretty neat. Four years. Haha!