Nervous Breakdown

I cracked on my husband last night. Yesterday I posted that I cried to him on the phone. I did a little more then that a couple hours later.

It was all over something stupid and now I realize that it was definitely no big deal. Nothing to freak out about. But I did.

When he came home, all I could do was scream at him and cry. For no reason I guess. I just went crazy. I cried for a couple hours. I couldn't help myself. I got so frustrated I threw my phone at the wall (luckily it had the case on it so it didn't break, it just came apart). Then I got so mad I slammed the door hard enough to crack the door jamb from the bottom to the top and knock stuff off the wall in the office which two rooms away.

Why was I so mad??????

I think it's my nerves. I realize now that my husband didn't do anything wrong. I was a complete bitch to him and I shouldn't have been.

All I have been able to think about for the past 24 hours is what is going to be happening next week. My ultrasound is on Monday and from there the doctor plays it by ear, so to speak. What if the timing is off on everything and we don't get it done? What if it doesn't work? What if it does? Do we have the money? What if "this"? And what about "that"? UGH!!!

My mind keeps wandering and I'm going nuts. I can't find anything to take my mind off it. My nerves are getting the best of me. I'm going crazy!

I'm stressed.

I'm stressed. I think it's a combination of things but still, I'm stressed. Mainly about this week coming up. I have an ultrasound on Monday then from there the doctor decides when we do our procedure. I think I'm finally starting to grasp the concept of what's going on. It's hitting me full force and right now I'm not liking it.

Paul and I have quit smoking. Well, for the most part. We just suddenly decided to stop. We waste so much money on cigarettes and we could be using that money for other stuff. But we have a bad habit of smoking when we go to the bar. I don't know if it's the atmosphere of everyone else smoking or maybe just habit - drink, smoke, drink, smoke. That's the next step. We've at least gotten past the first hurdle of stopping smoking in our everyday lives. That will definitely help with our trying to have a baby. We'll be so much healthier. Hopefully it'll help make it be easier to conceive.

I took the Clomiphene during cycle days 3-7. I just took it with my normal medications. I also started taking prenatal pills. Gotta get some vitamins in me. Can guys take prenatal pills? Probably some other multivitamin. Hold on... I'll Google it... Well, from what I found out the majority of articles say yes, but it'll make him constipated. Hmm... I just found out something new today!

Anywho... where was I? Oh yeah! I did the pills. No side effects. I don't think there are really any associated with it anyways. I also had the Menopur shot on day 9. Paul and I were kind of excited to do it at home but when the time came, we freaked. We didn't want to do anything wrong so I called the doctor's office and they had me go in. I watched some YouTube videos of people administering their own shots and they did it in the fatty part of the lower abdomen and I didn't feel comfortable sticking a needle so close to my organs. The nurse that gave me my shot said that you can basically pick any fatty part on your body and do it - such as your abdomen as stated, inner thigh, outer thigh, back of the arm. She gave me mine in the back of the arm. The nurse asked if I wanted it in the abdomen since I mentioned it and I gracefully declined. :-)

As for the Gonadotropin, the doctor will tell me when it needs to be administered when I go to my ultrasound appointment on Monday.

So yeah, I'm super stressed right now. I broke down on the phone when I was talking to Paul earlier. I cried. It felt good to cry, though. Then I made myself mad because I rubbed my eye and rubbed my contact out. But that's a different story all in itself.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better. I doubt it. I think as each day gets nearer, the more of a basket case I will be. We'll see....

*Bang*

That time of the month has started. What does that mean? Meds, meds, and more meds. Again.

Med #1 - Clomiphene. 50 mg tablets, 2 by mouth daily on cycle days 3-7. Not too bad I guess. The information pamphlet says it is used to stimulate ovulation. I start taking those tomorrow.

Med #2 - Menopur. 75 IU, inject 2 vials subcutaneously cycle day 9. I'm not too sure what subcutaneously means exactly, but I'm pretty sure I can handle it. I have to ask the doctor whether or not I do it all at once or once in the morning and once at night. The information pamphlet for this one doesn't say a whole lot, just that it helps increase the chance of pregnancy.

Med #3 - Gonadotropin. 10,000U. The box says to inject intramuscularly. So again I need to talk to the doctor to see what days and how much to take. The information pamphlet for this one says its a hormone used to treat infertility in males and females. Yay! Hormones! Not.

10 pills and 3 shots doesn't seem too bad so far. I do feel a little overwhelmed and frustrated. But it's nothing I can't handle.

Paul's already signed up for injection administration. I think he likes playing doctor. ;-)

Right now it feels like we're at a horse race. After what seems like eternity stomping around the barn getting ready to go, we get rushed to the gate, and *BANG*  .... the gun goes off.

!!!! Raffle Ticket Winners !!!!

Time's up! We've drawn for our raffle ticket winner.

And the winner is..... *drum roll*

Aaron and Courtney Nichols

Congratulations, guys!!!! We hope you enjoy the items in the basket.




Thank you to everyone for contributing to the raffle basket, whether it be buying tickets or donating items. We made a good chunk of money which will help cover the cost of the medications needed.

Now it's on to the next phase....

Raffle Date *UPDATE*

So the raffle hasn't been going as great as we'd hoped but ticket sales are finally starting to pick up really good. So Paul and I are going to extend the date. We want to keep it going as long as possible so we're going to try to keep doing it until it's "that time of the month" for me (which is when the payment is due and the procedure will start). We're projecting that to be mid-month - depending on mother nature. I will post the drawing results when that time comes. So ticket sales will still be going on until further notice. Hurry to get yours today! Tomorrow might be too late!!